Dating post-Covid

[ousdahl]

60 percent of the time, it works every time

[TDub]

I hate cologne. I had some cool water for a bit, mainly cuz i heard it in snoops song at like 17 or 18 (got that johnson baby powda and cool water cologne) tried it once. Threw it out. Never again, hate every cologne ive ever smelled.

[Deleted User 880]

This thread is depressing

Agreed. I hope my wife never divorces me. Dating outside of your 20s sounds awful and I am way outside my 20s any more.

One of the most depressing nights of the last few years for me was when I went to a bar to meet my girlfriend at the time.
I'll spare a long version story but I will say.....
There were at least 20 people in there that I knew from my High School days and pretty much all 20 of them were divorced. While on the surface it may have looked like they were having a good time, to me it was depressing and almost pathetic. I say that for three reasons.
1. Because most (if not all) of them have children. While it's obviously better off for ALL (spouses and children) to get divorced if you're in a terrible marriage, I couldn't help but think how their children were affected.
2. It reminded me of when we were in our 20s hanging out in bars (that's not a bad thing) but I noticed how much we've all aged - and that there is no turning back and it's only getting worse.
3. As someone who does NOT drink, I thought to myself why are 50 something year olds getting shitfaced in bars and what is causing them to want to get shitfaced? NO ONE can convince me that ALL of them were simply doing it to have a "good time". I have ZERO problem with people having multiple drinks and enjoying themselves (even getting "drunk") but when I see 50 year olds SHITFACED - there is nothing "fun" or "cool" about it to me.

[twocoach]

This thread is depressing

Agreed. I hope my wife never divorces me. Dating outside of your 20s sounds awful and I am way outside my 20s any more.

One of the most depressing nights of the last few years for me was when I went to a bar to meet my girlfriend at the time.
I'll spare a long version story but I will say.....
There were at least 20 people in there that I knew from my High School days and pretty much all 20 of them were divorced. While on the surface it may have looked like they were having a good time, to me it was depressing and almost pathetic. I say that for three reasons.
1. Because most (if not all) of them have children. While it's obviously better off for ALL (spouses and children) to get divorced if you're in a terrible marriage, I couldn't help but think how their children were affected.
2. It reminded me of when we were in our 20s hanging out in bars (that's not a bad thing) but I noticed how much we've all aged - and that there is no turning back and it's only getting worse.
3. As someone who does NOT drink, I thought to myself why are 50 something year olds getting shitfaced in bars and what is causing them to want to get shitfaced? NO ONE can convince me that ALL of them were simply doing it to have a "good time". I have ZERO problem with people having multiple drinks and enjoying themselves (even getting "drunk") but when I see 50 year olds SHITFACED - there is nothing "fun" or "cool" about it to me.

I am always stunned at the number of people who make bad decisions in who they marry. Maybe they think things will change over time or that whatever they liked about the person would cover over what they don't like, I don't know. I will certainly never say that my marriage is without issues; being home with my wife all day every day has certainly put a strain on our relationship. I need to get out of this house soon. But there is no problem that will be any less annoying to maneuver through than the annoyance of divorce and the legal & financial detanglements that comes along with divorce. Not to mention the tremendous increase in stress regarding co-parenting.

I'd rather just deal with whatever annoying thing that my wife does than get divorced because all the other options sound even more unpleasant. Maybe people think that they'll magically just start over with someone who magically does all the things they love with none of the things that bugs them but as soon as you have kids, that's never going to happen.

[ousdahl]

I think much of the problem with marriage is folks think marriage in itself will make the relationship better. No, it does little to change the relationship, besides make it legally binding.

I think a lot of it is material. They want to have that ring, and have that ceremony and reception, without necessarily realizing the end game of spending the rest of their live with that schmuck.

As for me, while I’m not entirely opposed to marriage, I think if I ever met a gal who was legit wifey material enough to mutually want to spend the rest of our lives together, she would likely have to share similar anti-establishment views enough to realize our relationship is meaningful regardless of whether it’s validated by the state. Or the church. Or anyone but our own mutual love for one another! And also love for a chocolate lab named Baby Jay that we would have instead of kids.

[Deleted User 89]

back to cologne...

i’ve found that beard oil/balms are waaaay better and less “in your face” than cologne. the scents just seem more subtle

as far as marriage goes, the best thing about it is that you don’t have to pretend anymore. you can be you, and say pretty much whatever you’re feeling or think. obviously it’s touchy if it’s about the spouse, but otherwise the filter is completely off.

the only major downside is going through cheating and/or divorce, imo

[shindig]

Being 49, not sure I want kids now. I mean I would be in my late 60's when they graduate from HS. The girl I hooked up with is 34, so not sure if she wants kids or not. Obviously after 2 dates, that hasn't really come up. I just hope I didn't knock her up.

[Deleted User 89]

stick with dogs

[ousdahl]

Re: cheating, what’s the deal with “open” relationships or whatever?

Are they more common in other parts of the world? Are the becoming more normalized here at all?

I know they seem weird through the lens of “traditional values” and monogamy and stuff, but could there be merit to it? Assuming mutually agreed terms and stuff.

It just seems like acknowledging an “open relationship” or whatever might actually be a healthier thing than perpetuating some pretense that may otherwise end in divorce

[Deleted User 89]

along the same lines as polyamory

i honestly don’t know, but assume that such “agreements” are more taboo in most other parts of the world

i used to know dude in Lawrence that dated/lived with a polyamorous girl. he was cool with it, and i don’t think was ever into anyone else. i could never be cool with my lady bedding randoms, particularly if i wasn’t invited...but even then, i don’t think so

[pdub]

If both parties are fully into it ( multiple partners ), go for it.
I'd also say before marriage, that it should be clear that multiple partners are or are not on the table.

I couldn't do that - but if it works for some, great.

[ousdahl]

Yeah, it’s not for everyone. But if it does work for certain folks, don’t make it taboo.

One issue is that men are more likely to cheat, as they’re biologically programmed to be alphas with a harem.

My Catholic friends would cry “but gay guys are more likely to cheat, homosexuality is baayad!” I’d ask, what about the fact lesbians are less likely to cheat? Could it be less homosexuality and more some biological gender thing?”

[TDub]

I could never do an open relationship. Id leave, just wouldnt work for me and not sure how it works for anyone who loves their spouse.


Re marriage......people change, situations change, life changes, life goals change or become more clear. Lots of moving things and sometimes they work sometimes they dont.

[ousdahl]

Here’s a question:

So I grew up with this one dude who grew up together with his childhood girl next door. First kiss, first finger blast, first (and only) everything. They had been sweethearts since like 12 years old or some shit, ended up getting married right after college, had a kid.

Haven’t talked to him in years, but now he’s posting pics of him playing with the kid at some Chuck E. Cheese place every Sunday, no wife/mom around.

Hear through the grapevine there’s trouble in paradise, they split up.

So how do I get the deets at this point? Cold call him after not talking for years, I guess? Or should I just slide right into her DMs?

[TDub]

Don't go chasing waterfalls

[pdub]

Yeah, it’s not for everyone. But if it does work for certain folks, don’t make it taboo.

I would say that, at least from my limited experience knowing couples in these relationships, it messes up the kids.

[ousdahl]

Ah.

Yeah, traditional family values very clearly stipulate that kids should be messed up only with monogamous domestic tension, nothing but

[Deleted User 89]

worked for me

[pdub]

Ah.

Yeah, traditional family values very clearly stipulate that kids should be messed up only with monogamous domestic tension, nothing but

Didn't say that.
But both couples I know - oh boy, those kids.

[pdub]

worked for me

Did it though?