Solstice Recap

[japhy]

Yes Shirley was there and she made her flower headbands and then burned them cuz.......fuck if I know, but she did.



Not shown in the video is her annual Solstice douche. That video is behind a paywall.

[japhy]

The Solstice was a success on many levels. There was a cast of characters straight out of a spaghetti western and scenery to match. So I will describe it in three parts; The Good, The Bad Ass and the Butt Ugly.

The Good; no one was arrested. Although no one has heard from my brother in three days so that is not for sure yet. Overlander and Osudahl tempted fate on that front, but they walked away from their encounter with the PO PO and got to sleep the night away in the freedom of the alley behind the liquor store.

The Espiritu del Sol marched their inaugural march on Saturday and dare I say, we were mildly amusing. The Kansas Crimson was proudly represented in the band by 4 members. We performed a rousing rendition of “Here Come The Warm Jets” on kazoos after 15 minutes of practice and announced the commencement of Solstice.

The DJ and the Salida Circus worked the crowd for 6 hours, pulling shit together during 2 rain delays. The Shumei Taiko Drummers did their thing and 2MX2 closed out the show.

Here is a musical selection from Friday night's party in the Spud Lounge.

[japhy]

The undisputed Bad Ass of bad asses of the event was Patty the Sasquatch. That bitch brought it all day. The Big Fur Mobile broke down in the Springs on it’s way to the Empire, but Patty just rented a UHaul and kept going. If you haven’t watched the documentary “Big Fur” you should do it now.

A little known fact, sasquatch have boobies.

You heard that right, Patty has boobies.

I observed Ousdahl standing close to her late on Saturday after dark. There have been no reports of inappropriate touching, but we haven’t reviewed the surveillance video yet.

[pdub]

I'm so confused.

[japhy]

The Butt Ugly; did I mention Overlander and Ousdahl were there?

So I pull into the alley behind the Spud Lounge on Friday afternoon and there is a huge ass trailer in my yard with Texas plates.

“Hey asshole! What is your trailer doing in my fucking yard? Go back to Plano!”

Turns out he makes a great Manhattan, so we let him stay.

It was all fine until he started staring at my neighbor Victor’s knifes; Victor has a belt knife and a boot knife and a sock knife and a going to church knife. With a little coercion from Overlander he later brought out his “big knife” and Overlander was visibly excited. Overlander was fixated on the knifes. The more he drank the more obsequious he got, begging Victor to let him touch his knives. It was weird, but Victor was a good sport about it.

Comrade Ousdahl rolled in and I approached him cautiously, but with that smug demeaning tone that I am known for.

I had to ask; he knows I own three houses…..just because I can. Was he going to refuse to drink my free beer for ethical or moral reasons or would he accept my hollow gesture of friendship? He agreed to drink the hell out of the beer in an attempt to stick it to the man or something. Later he sang “The International” for us all from the top of Defix’s roof while wearing Sammy Davis Jr’s red lampshade on his head.

Eileen showed up, it is not a party until Eileen gets there. She was carrying a bag. Inside was shocks of wheat, branches of basil and a bottle of mead. She burst into an impassioned dramatic nonsensical speech about each, and how they were most important symbols of the Solstice. Glad tidings and good fortune to all! She got a standing ovation for her performance.

Overlander offered her a Manhattan, she had earned it.

Shirley almost made it. She was driving all the way from Florida. When she got to Galveston she found out it was Fleet Week there and stopped to pick up a few extra bucks giving out handies and never made it. We told her no big deal, a girl’s gotta make a living. Maybe next year she can take an inland route to Solstice and avoid temptation.

My dog Udoka did what he does when he travels with me. He refuses to shit until we get back home. This trip lasted a week, so it really tested his resolve. At one point in the party he spotted a friend’s dog running around behind the Spud Lounge and pushed the door open to go out and play. The two of them were romping with abandoned. And then he just lost his shit, literally. As the other dog’s owner described it to me, he was running and then there was a stream of shit flying out behind him as he made some sort of spin move and then sprint into a change of direction. His new gf was not impressed. When I found him he was sitting outside the screen door looking in at me with face of shame. Behind him was a bunch of people laughing and another dog staring in disbelief. Later Patty drew eyebrows on Dok with a magic marker, he is not ready to party with the big kids just yet but he made a valiant effort.

DC did not make it, he texted me something about how “Papa Tom” was holding a political rally that weekend and he needed to be there in case Tucker showed up, he didn’t want to miss another chance to hawk his book. That didn’t sound right so I pressed him on his story. He broke down and told me he couldn’t risk bringing Creamcheese to the Empire, what with the music and drinking and he knows once she got liquored up there was no way she could keep her hands off me. I told him not to worry about that; she told me the last time really is the last time this time, and I believe her. Besides Annie Oakley would have drug her out to the alley by her ponytail before anything happened.

The award for drunkest couple in town went to Potato Rancher Bob and his trophy bride Stumblina. They found our hideout in back of the Defix/Japhy compound early on and latched onto us for the free booze and our warm companionship. They had the aura of a pair of clean cut small town serial killers, there was just something off about them. They would disappear intermittently probably foraging for food or for a bout of rough sex by the dumpster, and then reappear as mysteriously as they had left. I had to go look at a barn structure for a rancher I know on Sunday at 6:00 AM. When I got back at 7:00, Annie was ranting about how she heard the back door open up at 6:45 and Potato Rancher Bob just popped in to use the bathroom while she was still sleeping. He was lucky that Ramona Corona was in her kennel or he might have left dickless.

Mark it down on your calendars.

Solstice Part Deux; June 18, 2022.

I’m looking at you Squirt, you know you wanted to be there.

[Overlander]

Pretty spot on recap...

BTW, I am not fixated on knives. I just asked dude why he carried such a big fucking knife on his belt. I didn't expect him to drag 2 out that were bigger.

And that big one was freaking hand made and sharp as fuck.

[japhy]

Victor and Kim are good people, and yeah he might seem like a character from "Kill Bill". Having a liquor store for a next door neighbor is about as good as it gets.

[pdub]

Ugh not another nonsensical speech about basil.
Come on Eileen!

[Overlander]

Victor and Kim are good people, and yeah he might seem like a character from "Kill Bill". Having a liquor store for a next door neighbor is about as good as it gets.

The best part is walking through the liquor store to get to the grocery store and telling the liquor store "I will be right back".

[defixione]

The Butt Ugly; did I mention Overlander and Ousdahl were there?

So I pull into the alley behind the Spud Lounge on Friday afternoon and there is a huge ass trailer in my yard with Texas plates.

“Hey asshole! What is your trailer doing in my fucking yard? Go back to Plano!”

Turns out he makes a great Manhattan, so we let him stay.

It was all fine until he started staring at my neighbor Victor’s knifes; Victor has a belt knife and a boot knife and a sock knife and a going to church knife. With a little coercion from Overlander he later brought out his “big knife” and Overlander was visibly excited. Overlander was fixated on the knifes. The more he drank the more obsequious he got, begging Victor to let him touch his knives. It was weird, but Victor was a good sport about it.

Comrade Ousdahl rolled in and I approached him cautiously, but with that smug demeaning tone that I am known for.

I had to ask; he knows I own three houses…..just because I can. Was he going to refuse to drink my free beer for ethical or moral reasons or would he accept my hollow gesture of friendship? He agreed to drink the hell out of the beer in an attempt to stick it to the man or something. Later he sang “The International” for us all from the top of Defix’s roof while wearing Sammy Davis Jr’s red lampshade on his head.

Eileen showed up, it is not a party until Eileen gets there. She was carrying a bag. Inside was shocks of wheat, branches of basil and a bottle of mead. She burst into an impassioned dramatic nonsensical speech about each, and how they were most important symbols of the Solstice. Glad tidings and good fortune to all! She got a standing ovation for her performance.

Overlander offered her a Manhattan, she had earned it.

Shirley almost made it. She was driving all the way from Florida. When she got to Galveston she found out it was Fleet Week there and stopped to pick up a few extra bucks giving out handies and never made it. We told her no big deal, a girl’s gotta make a living. Maybe next year she can take an inland route to Solstice and avoid temptation.

My dog Udoka did what he does when he travels with me. He refuses to shit until we get back home. This trip lasted a week, so it really tested his resolve. At one point in the party he spotted a friend’s dog running around behind the Spud Lounge and pushed the door open to go out and play. The two of them were romping with abandoned. And then he just lost his shit, literally. As the other dog’s owner described it to me, he was running and then there was a stream of shit flying out behind him as he made some sort of spin move and then sprint into a change of direction. His new gf was not impressed. When I found him he was sitting outside the screen door looking in at me with face of shame. Behind him was a bunch of people laughing and another dog staring in disbelief. Later Patty drew eyebrows on Dok with a magic marker, he is not ready to party with the big kids just yet but he made a valiant effort.

DC did not make it, he texted me something about how “Papa Tom” was holding a political rally that weekend and he needed to be there in case Tucker showed up, he didn’t want to miss another chance to hawk his book. That didn’t sound right so I pressed him on his story. He broke down and told me he couldn’t risk bringing Creamcheese to the Empire, what with the music and drinking and he knows once she got liquored up there was no way she could keep her hands off me. I told him not to worry about that; she told me the last time really is the last time this time, and I believe her. Besides Annie Oakley would have drug her out to the alley by her ponytail before anything happened.

The award for drunkest couple in town went to Potato Rancher Bob and his trophy bride Stumblina. They found our hideout in back of the Defix/Japhy compound early on and latched onto us for the free booze and our warm companionship. They had the aura of a pair of clean cut small town serial killers, there was just something off about them. They would disappear intermittently probably foraging for food or for a bout of rough sex by the dumpster, and then reappear as mysteriously as they had left. I had to go look at a barn structure for a rancher I know on Sunday at 6:00 AM. When I got back at 7:00, Annie was ranting about how she heard the back door open up at 6:45 and Potato Rancher Bob just popped in to use the bathroom while she was still sleeping. He was lucky that Ramona Corona was in her kennel or he might have left dickless.

Mark it down on your calendars.

Solstice Part Deux; June 18, 2022.

I’m looking at you Squirt, you know you wanted to be there.

Truth. HOF nominee.

[ousdahl]

I was getting vibes from Stumblina.

That’s not a bad thing necessarily, except I may or may not have been getting vibes from Rancher Bob too.

You can keep them taters to yourselves.

[japhy]

I was getting vibes from Stumblina.

That’s not a bad thing necessarily, except I may or may not have been getting vibes from Rancher Bob too.

You can keep them taters to yourselves.

That's how serial killers get you out to the ranch late at night.

[ousdahl]

can’t wait to go back!

[japhy]

https://season2.upandvanished.com/story/

A cautionary tale about the Empire.

You too may be carrying three or four big ass knives on your person if you hang around there.

[Overlander]

I was getting vibes from Stumblina.

That’s not a bad thing necessarily, except I may or may not have been getting vibes from Rancher Bob too.

You can keep them taters to yourselves.

That's how serial killers get you out to the ranch late at night.

The weird thing was, every time you looked up, there they were. Even though they just left like an hour ago....

And, my getting a random call after we broke camp to come hang out with them was REALLY creepy.

[Overlander]

https://season2.upandvanished.com/story/

A cautionary tale about the Empire.

You too may be carrying three or four big ass knives on your person if you hang around there.

I promise you, the bar that Ousy and I crashed was most likely carrying several thousand knives and a few dozen handguns. Being 2 salt specks in a pepper container, we were definitely getting some hairy eyeballs.

[ousdahl]

what’s the Spanish word for “wingman?”

[ousdahl]

and the hairiest eyeballs of the night were prob from ol’ Johnny Law himself

[Overlander]

what’s the Spanish word for “wingman?”

In my translation? "Ultima Hombre"

[Overlander]

and the hairiest eyeballs of the night were prob from ol’ Johnny Law himself

Hey, you guys know that you are white, so you should know that you cannot stand in the middle of the street in our deserted, carless town.....you are blocking non-existent traffic.

Oh, hey there Mr Latino! Sure, piss anywhere you like.