OFFICIAL OUSDAHL FINALLY GOT A TINDER THREAD

[pdub]

Better.

[Sparko]

Manifest is a word that needs to leave the ship right away. New agey and overworked and overwrought. But maybe I should allow gracious space.

[jfish26]

“my family dynamic is kinda fucked up too but I’m trying to break the cycle and consciously manifest healthy relationships now”

God, do people actually talk like that in real life today?

My 90s kid sister-in-law and her cohort do. And it’s obnoxious as hell. But I suppose I don’t care so long as she’s getting the important things right, which she is.

[ousdahl]

Man.

So remember just like meeting people in real life first?

Now take the libertarian cowgirl and the crystal hippie.

Now put them together.

And somehow this westslope dive bar manifested the love child of the two.

Takes the bar stool next to me. Wearing daisy dukes and a ratty tank top, sans bra, leaving very little to the imagination; most notably a Dire Wolf tattoo displayed tastefully below gratuitous sideboob.

Oh fuck yeah universe, finally dealing me a hand to play! And here I thought I cut my deck to the queen of spades.

Then, despite the bubbly free spirit and dead ink and armpit hair, she’s somehow also…a far right conspiracy theorist.

Oh god damn universe what did I do to deserve this?

She goes on to demonstrate how she’s both the smartest and dumbest person of all time. At the same time.

“So have you ever heard of Joe Rogan?!”

Seriously? Who the fuck are you.

“Or René Descartes?”

Wait. What! Yes. But for real seriously, who the fuck are you?!

“They’re both just so insightful aren’t they! So insightful and so philosophical!”

[ousdahl]

Bonus points to add/deduct:

- living out of/being on the run from “the old life” in a 1977 Chevy van with no license plates

- getting permabanned from Tinder for asking every match if they had the hook up on acid

- so you ever been to the town of Gunnison so I just broke up with my boyfriend on the way here right and so he’s the one who owns the van but as I’m running this truck in front of me hits a deer and I’m like OH FUCK then cops light me up from behind and I’m like OH FUCK until they rip past me cuz the dood who hit the deer just jumped outta the truck with a hand cannon and like OH FUCK and walks up to this squirming deer and unloads pop pop pop pop four shots right there in the street in the middle of downtown Gunnison and the cop is like welp let’s at least get the deer out of the street also have you read The Fountainhead?

[jhawks99]

Get a room and start a long version of "Eyes".

Then break up with her and change your name.

[ousdahl]

Ha. For a babe with a dire wolf tat I honestly expected more of a deadhead.

But for the record I didn’t touch her. I just did what any gentleman on tinder should do, and referred her to the plug with the acid.

Oh! And cowgirl babe just posted a meme like “I so relate to Dorothy in wizard of oz cuz it’s like everywhere she goes she runs into some broken man who wants her to fix them, when all she wants is to pursue her own plot line instead.”

But that couldn’t possibly be about me, right!

She’s clearly referring to some other fuck offs.

[Overlander]

Made up tales of hook up chicks are kinda boring without the made up sex talk