The Empire is starting a marching band

[japhy]

Previous marching band experience preferable, but we will work with you on that. We have 12 uniforms, a generous donation from a local high school, so yeah, you will look for reals. Your friends will be jealous as hell.

Our first performance will be on the summer solstice, June 2020, out in the San Luis Valley of CO. I know what you are thinking.....will there be drugs involved? It's going to be a fucking marching band of potatoheads; of course there will be drugs involved.

There will likely be a semi-precise drill team as well. If you are into that shit, let's talk.

I will be accepting resumes via private message. Let me know what instruments you play and what Frank Zappa songs you know by memory. Together we will create something we can all be proud of.

[defixione]

First dibs on playing the triangle.

[jhawks99]

Dibs on kazoo.

[ousdahl]

I played quads in high school marching band, and drum set in high school and KU jazz ensemble. I also have extensive experience with drugs. Sign me up!

[DCHawk1]

I am a fucking top-notch baton twirler.

[chiknbut]

I am a fucking top-notch baton twirler.

I can back this up. Dude can do the splits like you wouldn't believe.

[Deleted User 89]

is there a spot for a cow bell?

[japhy]

I am a fucking top-notch baton twirler.

It's not that I doubt your word; but you are a known trumpublican.

I will need a youtube video for confirmation.

Have you ever performed with the Rock Chalk Dancers? Did you dance in Memorial Stadium during the 2006-2007 season?

I wondered what happened to you. Nobody loved the Rock Chalk mancer more than Leawood, except maybe my daughters. You are a hero to my daughters. You are on the team!

https://www2.ljworld.com/news/2006/aug/ ... k_dance_t/

[jhawks99]

I hear he hangs out with the golden girls.

[japhy]

I hear he hangs out with the golden girls.

Hey, if you lived in Nebraska you would be pretty hard up for friends too. Let's not let that define the poor bastard.

[Geezer]

He's a fuckin Trumpaholic.

[japhy]

So we have a drummer, clarinet, triangle, twirler, and a drum major with Marching Jayhawks hat to lead the show. We could use some brass, any trombone or tuba players out there?

Also can anyone ride a unicycle in a bear costume?

[Deleted User 62]

I have a trumbone....but...it is a bit rusty...

[Deleted User 89]

ew

[japhy]

imagine.....the sun is going down on a summer solstice festival, it is a beautiful peaceful night in the Empire, and then you hear the sound of drums coming from inside the vacant movie theatre, black sombreros come out the front doors and a group of 35 musicians starts marching out and into the courtyard next to the theatre where there are instruments set up on a stage, they march onto the stage and take their positions, and then all hell breaks loose.......the wheels are turning on this.

[japhy]

This is Blue.

I first laid eyes upon Blue in the high desert of SW Colorado in September 2019. It was crouching in the dark behind a Sunkist juice display in the back of a long dead movie theatre. As soon as I saw it, I knew this was no ordinary couch, it was an object of great power. It is the largest, shiniest, bluest piece of furniture ever created.

I quickly realized I could not possess this object, it is not right for one person to hold it in a private collection. This was meant to be a gift to the people of the world, and it must be shared. But if I could not possess it, then I must cohabitate with it, and absorb the gift of it’s mystical powers. And so, we decided we must own the theatre.

Where did it come from? How did it get here? It’s origin may be extraterrestrial….who can say?

So, I went about constructing an origin story to the best of my ability.

Blue was born in Saguache County, Colorado. The word Saguache seems to be a Spanish interpretation of a Ute word describing the area. There are two competing interpretations of the Ute word, one is “sand dunes” and the other is “land of the blue earth”. For purposes of the origin story, let’s go with “blue earth”. Blue was most likely formed in the cataclysm that was the La Garita volcanic eruption approximately 28 million years ago. The resulting Fish Canyon Tuff deposit had a volume of 1200 cubic miles. For comparison purposes Mt St Helens had a deposit of .25 cubic miles; La Garita was a bad ass supervolcano. As the ash cooled and compressed under the weight of 330 foot of deposits in the San Luis Valley, Blue was formed. As water and winds carried away the deposits above over the millennium, it was eventually exposed and found by the Ute people, who believed it was a gift from the gods and they held annual ceremonies around it to ensure good rainfall for the next year. Then came the Spanish conquistadors and missionaries, who declared that it was from Golgotha and that Christ’s body was laid upon this object before he rose again. Then came the Anglos, who declared it a couch and brought it back east where it appeared in the first US world’s fair, the American Institute Fair of 1829 in New York. It’s location was unknown during much of the 1800’s and early 1900’s, but the next known description of it was at the Factory in the Decker Building on Union Square in New York. Andy Warhol and John Cale once made out on Blue. It is well documented that Willem De Kooning once passed out and crapped his pants on Blue. After the Factory was shuttered, Blue sort of floated around New York and stayed briefly in the Chelsea Hotel and it has been stated that Nancy Spungeon’s death was a turning point in the life of Blue.

Blue knew it had to return home.

Over the course of the next 20 years Blue slowly made it’s way back out to the San Luis Valley; hopping trains, hitchhiking, traveling by whatever means it could.

Last week as my wife and I were closing on some buildings in the San Luis Valley we went to an insurance office in Alamosa to get coverage for the properties. We were discussing the buildings previous owner with the insurance agent, she has known Sadie for years. She told us she met Sadie about 15 plus years ago when she moved to the SLV from Ohio. When she bought her house, she was told Sadie sold furniture so she went to visit her to see if Sadie had something that would work for her home. She said, “Sadie had this couch for sale, it was huge, it was the most shiny blue thing I had ever seen, I could not buy it, I didn’t think it would fit through my front door.” We laughed and told her that Blue was still in the theatre building, but we were preparing a place of honor for it. Our art studio was going to be built around the power and the glory that is Blue. It is an object that owns any room it sits in, even in the dark crouching behind a Sunkist juice display it screams; “Behold! I am Blue!”.

Soon, Blue will have a new home in Center, Colorado. It will be available for pilgrims from all over the world to once again view and admire. You too may see it’s first public display in more than 15 years at our opening event on the summer solstice in 2020.

[Geezer]

Maybe cut down on the edibles.

[DCHawk1]

Also, keep it away from '99.

[japhy]

edibles are for old people



and pussies




and DC




is that redundant?

[DCHawk1]

is that redundant?

Only partially.