Kansas Crimson

Go to a sewing store and invest in 10 scissors. Use them wisely:

“Let me see what I can do. What’s your name? Tiffany? Wow! I have never met an unattractive Tiffany . . . Here you go. Where are you from? Here’s my number so you text me when I can get the scissors back..”

Take Leawood's word for it, he's pre-med.

Leawood wrote: ↑Sat Jun 22, 2019 2:31 pm Go to a sewing store and invest in 10 scissors. Use them wisely:

“Let me see what I can do. What’s your name? Tiffany? Wow! I have never met an unattractive Tiffany . . . Here you go. Where are you from? Here’s my number so you text me when I can get the scissors back..”

Suggestive close 101

Finally, for fuck’s sake, one of y’all is being a wingman!

Also, I’m helping with a banquet tonight.

You wouldn’t believe how many old farts and/or short dudes can be a total dick about a free meal.

did you take scissors?

Leawood’s on his way with them.


Okay okay, and it’s not just old farts and short dudes.

One bridesmaid in a low cut bridesmaid dress kept yelling at me about how her steak was over cooked.

She wanted me to say something to the chef, but I didn’t, cuz every time she snapped her titties jiggled.

I’m sorry about the steak, ma’am, but feel free to bitch some more.

Keep offering her free drinks as your sincere apology.

This isn’t difficult. Make sure you ask her name and keep repeating it.

Leawood wrote: ↑Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:33 pm Keep offering her free drinks as your sincere apology.

This isn’t difficult. Make sure you ask her name and keep repeating it.

Strong close

So, ousdahl, it's been a really hot summer, but we locals have been very polite to the tourists--since it isn't Atlanta Week--stopping on our 2 lane road to let them cross to the beach even when they're not at a crosswalk, or following slowly behind them as they hold their infants without a belt or let their 8 year olds with no seatbelts drag their feet 12" above the asphalt in their fancied up golf carts and just wondering at them, but not acting impatient.

But this week, I drove up to 2 middle aged ladies, one in a See Way Too Much 2 piece suit and the other with a bandanna around her hair. At this point, the 2 lane county road (which runs next to lots of condos and rental houses) has a white line and then 4" of pavement and then grass or sand. One lady is standing right where the grass begins and one where sand starts, and they're having this conversation across the traffic, waving their arms at each other and no doubt saying:

Bandanna Lady: Shall we all eat at the Corner Cafe tonight?
Bikini Lady: No, that burned down this spring.
Band. L. waving arms: How about at the Pizza Parlor?
Bikini L: No, we ate there at lunch.
Band L pointing down the road: What if we get shrimp from the Shrimp Shack?
Bikini L waves arms: No, Bob is allergic to shrimp.

All the traffic on both lanes (20 cars each way) has stopped while these ladies converse over the cars. Finally, we inched slowly past them, thinking, "They must be from Atlanta."

Haha dang.

I would have rolled down the window and said “y’all should eat at Olive Garden!”

Hi, we wanna book one of y’all’s fly casting lessons on the pond. But if we do will we catch fish?

While we can’t guarantee you’ll catch a fish, if you listen to your guide and make an effort to learn how to cast, then it’s likely you will catch fish.

Well we’re mostly just worried about catching fish. Do we have to know how to cast to do that?

Yes sir, you do. We encourage approaching the lesson as a learning experience more so than simply just as a chance to catch a fish. You’ll find it much more enriching and enjoyable, and make it more likely you’ll catch a fish.

Well we’re on vacation and not trying to learn anything. So what can y’all do to make sure we catch a fish?

Well sir, have you considered a zip line tour instead?

Have you considered Mrs. Pauls fish sticks?

When y’all told us that fishing is a rain or shine activity, we didn’t realize you meant it might actually rain! Y’all should have said something and we woulda packed a jacket!

who doesn’t pack a rain jacket?

(i mean, besides dumb texans)

We went out on a trip with one of yall’s other guides yesterday and he was so good to us! Can we leave a tip for him? We’re big tippers, and want to take care of the service. How much was our trip total, again?

A little under four hundred dollars, ma’am.

Oh ok. And what’s a good tip to leave a guide?

It’s totally up to you, but figure 20 percent, similar to good restaurant service.

Oh okay...well can y’all make change for a $20 for us then?

Oh no not another thread about tipping. Weve been over this. There are two camps, firmly entrenched in their thinking.

I do tip, I've been in service industry. I also think tipping is silly, if I'm paying for a service why am I also expected to pay the employee of the company whose services I have already purchased.

ousdahl wrote: ↑Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:27 pm Also, I’m helping with a banquet tonight.

You wouldn’t believe how many old farts and/or short dudes can be a total dick about a free meal.

I will never be surprised at how insane people get over free shit. What's worse is that most of those old people are Republicans who constantly bitch about everyone wanting handouts all the time.

Tipping for people who are paid a full wage isn't 100% necessary.
Tipping wait staff who get paid less and depend on tips is.
Either pay staff with that in mind and eliminate the tip culture or continue as is.

I tip my barber.