Last names

[DrPepper]

Good point about referring to teachers with the honoring title. I agree completely.
Several of you brought up the gender identity benefit of Mr and Miss,Ms,Mrs. The only reason I can think of this being a benefit is because our pronouns also have gender identities. I work with very foreign names so I often can not infer gender by name only. For that matter, also have problems knowing when the first name ends in the last name begins.
So, is there a movement to add a title to differentiate single for married men? Are we moving to all women being “Ms” because being married or not shouldn’t be defining them (just like Mr is a single title for a gender, But doesn’t define someone by whether they are married or not).

[Deleted User 89]

the whole title thing is so situational for me

when i'm contacted in a professional context by someone i don't know personally, i'm a bit offended if they don't use "Dr."...but part of it is that there is just a professional courtesy to know the credentials of the person you're interacting with, imo

admittedly though, i'm generally not comfortable with "Dr." in most interactions, particularly when face-to-face

[DrPepper]

Honorable, Dr, and Reverend do not denote gender. Can we survive this?

[Deleted User 57]

I don’t have my kiddos last name. It has never been a problem. Zero. Flying internationally with just the two of us. Crossing the US-Canadian border. Medical doctor’s offices. Schools. Just never ever an issue. Also, we look nothing alike.
n=1

I can understand that but in my scenario my issue would be 3 different last names and 3 different parents having legal custody. Screw it! Thankfully for my sake it's no longer a possible issue - at least for now. Someone else may come along and I'll address it then.
Right now I will address my ex as Ms. Satan. The Ms. to identify her as a woman Satan because I feel most people assume Satan is a male.

[DrPepper]

Perhaps, there is some bias at play. I’m a woman so maybe I am generally viewed as a harmless and nurturing person with a child. Did you ever consciously or subconsciously feel weird or judged when you were with the child in public without her female parental unit?

[DrPepper]

“Amatonormative” pisses me off. I think a lot of men here would agree.

[PhDhawk]

"kiddo" bothers me much more.

[Deleted User 57]

Perhaps, there is some bias at play. I’m a woman so maybe I am generally viewed as a harmless and nurturing person with a child. Did you ever consciously or subconsciously feel weird or judged when you were with the child in public without her female parental unit?

Great question Dr.!
Speaking for my son (wink) I will say yes.
There were times when I would be in a park (or other public places) and people wouldn't at first see me with her.
Then I would approach the child or she would approach me and I actually noticed people with inquisitive looks on their faces. Part of me feels that's a good thing.
Of course when I was with her I would often get a, "your daughter __________________ ".
People automatically assumed she is/was my daughter.
Actually bums me out thinking about it because I was as good if not better to her than her "real" father and mother sometimes/often/usually were/are.

[HouseDivided]

"kiddo" bothers me much more.

Thank you! I have a colleague with whom I do continuing education seminar presentations from time to time on childhood development and psychiatric care. In the course of a thirty minute segment she will say "kiddo" eighty or more times (yes, I have kept an actual tally). It makes me want to burst my eardrums with the nearest sharp object.

[Lonestarjayhawk]

I wouldn’t have care if she kept her maiden name. She didn’t. If we had a son, we would have considered using her maiden name as the first name. He would have had the name of the greatest character from an action movie franchise ever. But we had two girls.

[Lonestarjayhawk]

I don’t have my kiddos last name. It has never been a problem. Zero. Flying internationally with just the two of us. Crossing the US-Canadian border. Medical doctor’s offices. Schools. Just never ever an issue. Also, we look nothing alike.
n=1

I had to sign a letter for my wife to take our daughter to Mexico by herself. I always wondered if I travelled with my daughter, would I have to have s letter signed by her?

[HouseDivided]

I wouldn’t have care if she kept her maiden name. She didn’t. If we had a son, we would have considered using her maiden name as the first name. He would have had the name of the greatest character from an action movie franchise ever. But we had two girls.

You would have named your son Schwartzenegger?

[NewtonHawk11]

Dudes, when or if you get married to a woman, will you ask your love if she wants to keep her last name or take yours?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts on this.

It is traditional, but I wouldn’t object to her keeping her own. What I find cringy is when both partners create a hyphenated combination of the two surnames, or, worse yet, as one of my college roommates did, combine both surnames into an awkward new amalgamation.

I had a college professor do exactly that. His exact quote. My wife and I were two different people, now we're one person and so me made our last name that way. I rolled my eyes so hard at that.

[NewtonHawk11]

My wife has my last name. There was no discussion about it. But she also didn't like her name the best.

We had a kid before we were married, although we were engaged. And he took my last name, which my wife suggested since we were about to get married.

I did date a girl in high school though whose parents were always together but never married. Still that way today, I think. She had her mom's last name, her younger brother had her dad's last name. That was always kind of strange to me.

[jfish26]

I'm 100% in the "whatever the couple decides is a-ok" camp.

I know a number of women with established, pre-marriage careers that do not want to "confuse the market," as it were. I also know a number of women who change their names legally and socially, but continue to go by their maiden names professionally.

Whatever.

[NewtonHawk11]

I'm 100% in the "whatever the couple decides is a-ok" camp.

I know a number of women with established, pre-marriage careers that do not want to "confuse the market," as it were. I also know a number of women who change their names legally and socially, but continue to go by their maiden names professionally.

Whatever.

In my profession, I deal with a lot of that. Women doctors or people who may have a bit of a local celebrity feel to them. Everything they go by in public is their maiden name, but on paperwork that they have to sign, they legally have their husbands last name.

It's fine. I don't agree with it, but it's fine.

[NLowrider]

My wife straight up said she wanted my last name without me bring it up. I have a buddy who made a new last name when he got married. I thought that was kinda cool.

[DrPepper]

Hmmm. The only time I use kiddo is on message boards. I use the term kiddo to represent an ageless and genderless child of mine. We’ve had a creep on this board before so I didn’t want to divulge too much personal information. You might be shocked to learn that my real name is not DrPepper.

[Deleted User 89]

[HouseDivided]

Hmmm. The only time I use kiddo is on message boards. I use the term kiddo to represent an ageless and genderless child of mine. We’ve had a creep on this board before so I didn’t want to divulge too much personal information. You might be shocked to learn that my real name is not DrPepper.

I didn't mean to imply that the term itself was wrong. It is just that this person uses it multiple times in every sentence to the point that it has taken on the traits of a tic or an affectation of some sort. That's what bugs me.