Give one up

[CrimsonNBlue]

Teens and HS were good for me and frosh/soph at KU were awesome. But the lows are the lowest. And then just the normal awkwardness of puberty. Lack of independence. Too much bringing it down.

[NewtonHawk11]

In my 20's I met, dated and married Mrs 99.
In my 30's and 40's we raised two kids.

Tough choice, Fish.

I'm still in my 30s, but unless something very bad happens, I'm tracking to have a good 40s.

But it's hard - I actually liked high school, and my first couple years of college were the best.

I did too Fish. That's what is tough. I had a good high school experience. My first couple years of college were rough though. I didn't focus on school like I should and instead was wrapped up in my football part of life and the parties and all that and that was tough and I dealt with the consequences into my early 20s. Once I hit about 21, I finally got my life on track and I've been on an upward projection ever since.

[pdub]

Teens weren't bad but 20's and 30's have been much stronger.
See ya teens.

[ousdahl]

I’ll say 40s, cuz I’m still in my 30s.

A bird in the hand...

[japhy]

cakes
cookies
pies

All of them, if I can keep all savory foods and boozes.

Your

Teens
20s
30s
40s

Cookies, I am currently addicted to the raw tiramisu cake at Billie's Grocery.

40's, but I think my upcoming 60's are going to be the best decade yet.

I have a theory partially fueled by reconnecting on facebook with some people (yes, I consciously changed this word from "friends") who I went to high school with. They mostly remember high school as the best time of their lives. They are mostly angry and disillusioned. It is a small subset but there are other examples I see in society at large. If your life isn't getting "better" as you get older, then you should question if you are growing and getting wiser. Happiness seems to follow a path of personal growth and self improvement, however you want to self define that. Money helps, I suspect there is a financial component to much of the disillusion. But wealth is also self defined. A path of personal growth and fulfillment can lead to financial security without money being your primary focus. In the end it is security that helps you sleep at night, not wealth.

[jfish26]

I think there's another aspect, though, which is that security can make you gloss over the shitty parts you overcame/dodged.

I was an insane lucky break in my early 20s from having a very different path in my 20s and beyond. Regrets that I would have had about my teens and early 20s get smoothed over in hindsight.

[Deleted User 89]

i call bs on the security thing

i was financially secure, with a great job/career and still had the worst two years of my life

[japhy]

I think there's another aspect, though, which is that security can make you gloss over the shitty parts you overcame/dodged.

I was an insane lucky break in my early 20s from having a very different path in my 20s and beyond. Regrets that I would have had about my teens and early 20s get smoothed over in hindsight.

One of the things I have told my daughters is to value resilience over toughness. Security comes from understanding and building resilience. Maybe it's not so much that you glossed over the shitty parts so much as you learned valuable lessons from the shit. The more you learn how to pick yourself up and move forward the easier it is every time. Looking back, I should have been dead by age 21. More near misses than I can remember between 15-21. Losing your fear of losing it all can lead to either increased recklessness ( a death wish is not a sign of security ) or a powerful sense of security. No matter how tough you may be, you can be broken. But if you are resilient, you can put yourself back together no matter how broken.

That's my experience anyway.

Check at the gift shop in the Empire. There are plenty of posters there with inspirational japhy quotes. You can frame them and put them on the walls in your office or man-cave.

[japhy]

i call bs on the security thing

i was financially secure, with a great job/career and still had the worst two years of my life

If you notice I did not say "financial" security in my last sentence. That was intentional.

In the end it is security that helps you sleep at night, not wealth.

So yeah, I agree. But for those who don't have it, the financial can be a start to feeling secure/safe.

[Deleted User 89]

i call bs on the security thing

i was financially secure, with a great job/career and still had the worst two years of my life

If you notice I did not say "financial" security in my last sentence. That was intentional.

In the end it is security that helps you sleep at night, not wealth.

So yeah, I agree. But for those who don't have it, the financial can be a start to feeling secure/safe.

i almost added the caveat of “depends on how security is defined” to my post

i guess it’s tough to define and measure personal security (vs financial), particularly when there is notable “reliance” on another person

[japhy]

i call bs on the security thing

i was financially secure, with a great job/career and still had the worst two years of my life

If you notice I did not say "financial" security in my last sentence. That was intentional.

In the end it is security that helps you sleep at night, not wealth.

So yeah, I agree. But for those who don't have it, the financial can be a start to feeling secure/safe.

i almost added the caveat of “depends on how security is defined” to my post

i guess it’s tough to define and measure personal security (vs financial), particularly when there is notable “reliance” on another person

My choice of "safe" was probably not the best. Maybe a better way to say it would have to been to say that you are secure in who you are and where you are. Where you are in life with regards to personal goals/values, some of which will be financial. To be are comfortable in your own skin to quote a cliche, is to be secure. Being secure is best found if you do not rely on anyone else for your sense of self worth. The less fucks you tend to give the better your chances. I have been wrong not to give more fucks at times but a reliance on myself to dust myself off, and admit to myself what happened, and move forward is key. I have met a very secure happy person who lives in complete squalor by my standards, on the verge of having their life's work snatched away by a government entity and yet he is unbowed and is secure in the knowledge that he has done what God asked him to do. I admire that kind of self confirmed vision.

No, fuck you, I am not talking about Wally.

[Deleted User 89]

If you notice I did not say "financial" security in my last sentence. That was intentional.

In the end it is security that helps you sleep at night, not wealth.

So yeah, I agree. But for those who don't have it, the financial can be a start to feeling secure/safe.

i almost added the caveat of “depends on how security is defined” to my post

i guess it’s tough to define and measure personal security (vs financial), particularly when there is notable “reliance” on another person

My choice of "safe" was probably not the best. Maybe a better way to say it would have to been to say that you are secure in who you are and where you are. Where you are in life with regards to personal goals/values, some of which will be financial. To be are comfortable in your own skin to quote a cliche, is to be secure. Being secure is best found if you do not rely on anyone else for your sense of self worth. The less fucks you tend to give the better your chances. I have been wrong not to give more fucks at times but a reliance on myself to dust myself off, and admit to myself what happened, and move forward is key. I have met a very secure happy person who lives in complete squalor by my standards, on the verge of having their life's work snatched away by a government entity and yet he is unbowed and is secure in the knowledge that he has done what God asked him to do. I admire that kind of self confirmed vision.

No, fuck you, I am not talking about Wally.

i can appreciate that perspective

maybe i was too “reliant” on another, to the point that their behavior was so destructive to my psyche

love and marriage....

[japhy]

i almost added the caveat of “depends on how security is defined” to my post

i guess it’s tough to define and measure personal security (vs financial), particularly when there is notable “reliance” on another person

My choice of "safe" was probably not the best. Maybe a better way to say it would have to been to say that you are secure in who you are and where you are. Where you are in life with regards to personal goals/values, some of which will be financial. To be are comfortable in your own skin to quote a cliche, is to be secure. Being secure is best found if you do not rely on anyone else for your sense of self worth. The less fucks you tend to give the better your chances. I have been wrong not to give more fucks at times but a reliance on myself to dust myself off, and admit to myself what happened, and move forward is key. I have met a very secure happy person who lives in complete squalor by my standards, on the verge of having their life's work snatched away by a government entity and yet he is unbowed and is secure in the knowledge that he has done what God asked him to do. I admire that kind of self confirmed vision.

No, fuck you, I am not talking about Wally.

i can appreciate that perspective

maybe i was too “reliant” on another, to the point that their behavior was so destructive to my psyche

love and marriage....

The one term I remember from my one semester of psychology is "self-actualization".

Marriage is a completely separate can of worms. The one thing I feel is key is compromise. But you need to have shared values and goals. If you have to compromise either of those, it is a source of destructive tension. People grow and change but if their values and goals are aligned you can work through the details. My wife had a friend visit here from Minneapolis several years back, he knew her during her first marriage and had just met me. In a moment when they were alone he was candid. japhy is as strong a personality as you and how the fuck is that gonna work out? He predicted an endless power struggle with mutual destruction as the end result. I won't say it power struggles don't occur, but if your values and goals are aligned you can compromise on control enough to keep it together. We joke that we could end up with adjacent households in the Empire with a connector structure of some sort. We probably got the idea from Freda Kahlo's Casa Azul in Mexico City. I have asked if conjugal visits will have to be scheduled and approved. The answer is always; fuck no, the "connector" will be the bedroom and we meet up there every night. We both agree that if your first marriage doesn't work out, you can get better at it the second time around.

[pdub]

Beaches
Mountains
Or This

[ousdahl]

I’ll say this, cuz I’m afraid to click on it.

[jhawks99]

I thought I was the only one

[NewtonHawk11]

Yeah, I did not click on the link. So I pick "Or this"

[pdub]

Guess you'll never know what you're giving up then.
Could be a lot.

[jhawks99]

It's a Rick Roll isn't it?

[pdub]

You'll never know.