Another angle on the woman question

[ousdahl]

I'm not even done reading the other woman threads but figured I'd throw this monkey wrench into the gears:

so this one time I was hanging with this lady. We both mention we aren't seeing anyone. We get dinner a couple times, then she comes back to my place. Mutual consent is established and we get it on.

The next morning, she says she's married. (!!!!)

She says she's just over it, in the process of separating, and hopes to get actual divorce proceedings going soon.

So how much of a shithead am I?

How much of a shithead is she?

[Deleted User 183]

You / 0
Her on a scale of 1-100 / 5 for lying to you.

[jfish26]

Yeah, that's not on you at all, oussie. You got used. Just go with it.

[ousdahl]

okay thanks you guys.

followup question: does it make me more of a shithead if, after she disclosed that much, I still hit it a few more times?

I mean cmon, homegirl knew how to move her hips. And clearly the hubby wasn't getting it done, soooo.....

[jfish26]

okay thanks you guys.

followup question: does it make me more of a shithead if, after she disclosed that much, I still hit it a few more times?

I mean cmon, homegirl knew how to move her hips. And clearly the hubby wasn't getting it done, soooo.....

From my perspective, this is not your problem. It goes without saying that you should not pursue a relationship with this woman (on the time-tested, "you don't want to be the guy that immediately follows The Guy" rule; which: works for coaching hires, too). But I don't think you're doing anything immoral (of course she might be, but, again, her problem, unless the husband is the jealous/violent type).

[pdub]

If you know she's married and you continue to have a relationship with her, yes, that makes you a shithead.

At the moment, you are a shithead, but certainly not for what you did.
You had no idea.

[Cascadia]

If you know she's married and you continue to have a relationship with her, yes, that makes you a shithead.

At the moment, you are a shithead, but certainly not for what you did.
You had no idea.

This

[Deleted User 75]

I don't know about that....it's not his responsibility to help her remain faithful. That's on her and her husband.

I only blame the cheater. Doesn't mean I wouldn't try to retaliate if someone banged my wife, but I wouldn't expect him to turn her down if she was willing.

[PhDhawk]

seems like a made up story.

[jfish26]

If you know she's married and you continue to have a relationship with her, yes, that makes you a shithead.

At the moment, you are a shithead, but certainly not for what you did.
You had no idea.

What does married mean in this instance? I don't think it's our friend oussie's job to respect the contract of marriage, which takes a LONG fucking time to formally break. Now, if she's still committed to the guy, but she's prone to these sorts of trysts, then, yes, it gets a bit grayer.

And of course if there's kids in the marriage, that's a different deal entirely. I just presumed there's not, because I feel like "I banged a mom!" would totally have merited mention in oussie's story.

[shindig]

I think HD and I need to hang out with ousdahl for a week or so and get our confidence levels back up.

[ousdahl]

it would be an honor and a privilege to be your wingman.

[Deleted User 89]

I'm not even done reading the other woman threads but figured I'd throw this monkey wrench into the gears:

so this one time I was hanging with this lady. We both mention we aren't seeing anyone. We get dinner a couple times, then she comes back to my place. Mutual consent is established and we get it on.

The next morning, she says she's married. (!!!!)

She says she's just over it, in the process of separating, and hopes to get actual divorce proceedings going soon.

So how much of a shithead am I?

How much of a shithead is she?

you? zero

her? if it was a legitimate affair, 100. if she and her spouse have already discussed where they are at, then 0-5, but it sounds like they hadn't since she lied to you/mislead you about her situation...so, i'd say she's at least somewhere between 50-75 (depending on her spouse...if he's abusive, etc., then i could be more understanding)

[Deleted User 89]

okay thanks you guys.

followup question: does it make me more of a shithead if, after she disclosed that much, I still hit it a few more times?

I mean cmon, homegirl knew how to move her hips. And clearly the hubby wasn't getting it done, soooo.....

depends on her situation...

I would question her level on honesty, honestly. i have zero respect for home-wreckers (not saying that is the case), so as i said in my other post, it really depends on what, exactly, her situation is...if the marriage is truly over and she is/was just dealing with the particulars, or if it was a legit affair and would have hit her husband/family out of left field

my wife and i have been together for >10 years, and our relationship started when she was separated from her first husband...their marriage was over in every sense but the legal one, and he was both emotionally and physically abusive. so, i have no regrets or guilts about how she and i started things...

[ChalkRocker]

And of course if there's kids in the marriage, that's a different deal entirely. I just presumed there's not, because I feel like "I banged a mom!" would totally have merited mention in oussie's story.

I banged your mom.

[NewtonHawk11]

seems like a made up story.

Yeah half of ousie's stories seem a little too scripted.

[ousdahl]

You guys think I could make this shit up?

[ousdahl]

Okay more context: she said her hubby had grown all distant and dodgy, would go MIA for nights or days at a time, and she grew frustrated.

Then one day, he was in the bathroom for like all night, she got concerned, went in, and found him passed out on the toilet with a needle in his arm. Apparently dude was hiding an addiction.

I’d say she was married to ardvark, but let’s face it, that dude has never even talked to a girl before.

[DCHawk1]

Okay more context: she said her hubby had grown all distant and dodgy, would go MIA for nights or days at a time, and she grew frustrated.

Then one day, he was in the bathroom for like all night, she got concerned, went in, and found him passed out on the toilet with a needle in his arm. Apparently dude was hiding an addiction.

I’d say she was married to ardvark, but let’s face it, that dude has never even talked to a girl before.

You should definitely have sex -- repeatedly -- with a woman who also has sex with someone who uses needles.

Sounds like a very good idea.

[ousdahl]

Fuck.

For the record I’ve since been tested, and don’t have cooties.