Kansas Crimson

so this coworker just had a baby...yaaaay congrats.

but now he's moping around about how much it's costing him, and acting like it's work's responsibility to make sure he can pay his medical bills...uhhh, nobody told you and your wife to pull the goalie but you and your wife, bro.

meanwhile, another friend's wife is putting on the pressure to have one of their own. She frankly acts all materialistic and possessive about it, then trying to frame it as "the most selfless thing we could ever do," but ironically in this entitled way.

Umm homegirl if you really wanna be selfless, why not adopt? Or go volunteer at an orphanage? Or do something for the benefit of some greater good that doesn't involve giving yourself a miniature version of yourself?

Or my fishing buddies who I used to be able to call up and go fishing, but then they had kids. And now when I call them they act like I'm some asshole who is being a bad influence by asking if they wanna go fishing just like we grew up doing, as if *I* should know better and not bother them while they're changing diapers.


...sorry folks. being single in your 30s is weird. I'm prob being kinda callous. But at the same time, it's not am employer's responsibility to make sure you earn enough to afford a kid, right? Having a kid doesn't make you some Mother Theresa saint, right? Just cuz you're new parents doesn't mean you should begrudge your old friends for still trying to hang out, right?

My 5 thoughts on the subject.
* Kids are cool. Except when they are not cool.
* Being a parent is cool. Except when it's not cool.
* Being single is cool. Except when it's not cool.
* People who have children should make sure they have an excellent health care plan. Whether it's through their work or a plan in which they pay "out of pocket". My employer may be too good in terms of full coverage - and incredible coverage at that. I feel there are some employees who take advantage of it to an extreme and have children because they feel why shouldn't I have children if my plan covers basically everything. Then when it comes time to pay for everything else other than the medical costs, reality sets in.
* As far as how you feel about others such as your co-workers and friends, you can and will always find fault in things that they do and don't do. I have learned that acceptance is key. Realize sometimes ALL good people suck. You and I included.

I don't have em, not really overly interested in having em but may still end up having em.
There are good parents who just take things in stride - love their kids - but kids are not the only single thing they talk about.
Then there are other parents who simply have nothing to talk about but what their kid is doing/has done.

Having a child doesn't make you any better of a person. Or more important. You are creating a mini version of you. I might argue the people who aren't having kids are more selfless - this planet doesn't need more of us currently.

My kids are anything but a mini version of me. Nor would I want them to be.

I don't have kids. I don't want kids. I like kids. I hate a lot of parents.

The thing is, there's like 95% of parents, who as a friend or coworker are great. But there's a very loud 5% who talk about their kids ALL the time, complain, brag, and worst, condescend to everyone about their parenthood. Those people can really fuck off.

As far as work goes, I always think an employer should be understanding and flexible with parents and the needs of having children. I have a job that's like that, but geezus do some parents take advantage of that. There are some people I only see in short increments on rare occaisions...and they're getting paid more than me, because there is a salary bump for parents. So, not only are they never at work, they're being rewarded for it. Again, MOST parents don't do that, I mean, they'll occasionally leave early to see there kids do something or take a day off because of a child's illness, but there are others who barely show up to work, and those ones stand out and suck. It reminds me of my first few jobs where people who smoked would go take a 5 minute smoke break about every 30 minutes, while I just kept working because I didn't smoke.

I have 3. My kids control a lot of what I do. But I still do have time for little things here and there. Men's League at local golf course, after work events with co-workers among other small things. But a weekend away to fish or a golf weekend or whatever, just won't happen with the kiddos.

But my kids do control a lot of time that I have between practices, dance class, school events and other things. Kind of sucks in that aspect that they control so much, but such is life when they are all under 10.

stop saying kiddos

tia.

Kids are going to take a lot of your time, and that's great, you love em, they are yours.
If you are in a normal conversation with someone though, and your children are the default, just understand there's a good chance the other person doesn't care.
To me using your kids an excuse of why you have no life is like saying, "Well, i've decided to start a broccoli farm in my spare time" and then after that, the broccoli farm, which you willingly chose to do, is your crutch to say, "Sigh. I don't have time for any of those things anymore. I've got all this broccoli to deal with."

Kids are great. Expensive and all time consuming. These are all things everyone knows....people need to stop complaining about everything and take responsibility for their choices.

TDub wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 8:41 am people need to stop complaining about everything and take responsibility for their choices.

^^^^^^^^

pdub wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 8:36 am Kids are going to take a lot of your time, and that's great, you love em, they are yours.
If you are in a normal conversation with someone though, and your children are the default, just understand there's a good chance the other person doesn't care.
To me using your kids an excuse of why you have no life is like saying, "Well, i've decided to start a broccoli farm in my spare time" and then after that, the broccoli farm, which you willingly chose to do, is your crutch to say, "Sigh. I don't have time for any of those things anymore. I've got all this broccoli to deal with."

That is one thing I can't stand about half of my co-workers. A kid or grandkid is brought up in the conversation almost every time.

Maybe it's just me because I'm fairly guarded in my personal life, but I only bring up my kids and wife only when asked. I don't go out talking about everything they've done.

The good thing, about half of my good friends have kids as well. So they know the deal. Anytime that we get together, with or without kids is a good time. Whether that be the park with kids, at birthday parties or whatever else. But that's just kind of how it works with kids. Hopefully one of them makes enough money in their career to take good care of me as I get older!

NewtonHawk11 wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 9:02 am

pdub wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 8:36 am Kids are going to take a lot of your time, and that's great, you love em, they are yours.
If you are in a normal conversation with someone though, and your children are the default, just understand there's a good chance the other person doesn't care.
To me using your kids an excuse of why you have no life is like saying, "Well, i've decided to start a broccoli farm in my spare time" and then after that, the broccoli farm, which you willingly chose to do, is your crutch to say, "Sigh. I don't have time for any of those things anymore. I've got all this broccoli to deal with."

That is one thing I can't stand about half of my co-workers. A kid or grandkid is brought up in the conversation almost every time.

Maybe it's just me because I'm fairly guarded in my personal life, but I only bring up my kids and wife only when asked. I don't go out talking about everything they've done.

This is the primary reason I don't have much of a social media presence. All my friends would just post pictures/updates of their kids. I mean, I get it if it's something truly remarkable, or a major milestone, but I was always like, 'I'm friends with you, not your kid, so it's great that timmy scored a goal in soccer or hit a ground rule double, or got new shoes, or made a funny face when he ate something bitter...but I don't give a shit.'

If a new baby is costing a lot of money, he is doing it wrong. All bets are off if health issues or a parent can’t stay home to take care of the baby.
If they are going to fall victim to the marketing and keeping up with the Jones (probably for the sake of social media), then they are just dumb.
Humans have successfully been having kids for thousands of years. Bassinets, changing tables, bath thermometers, baby monitors, wipe warmers, etc are not required.

PhDhawk wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 8:31 am stop saying kiddos

tia.

potd.

I probably make my office friends crazy with talk and pics of my month old grand-kiddo.

DrPepper wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:36 am If a new baby is costing a lot of money, he is doing it wrong. All bets are off if health issues or a parent can’t stay home to take care of the baby.
If they are going to fall victim to the marketing and keeping up with the Jones (probably for the sake of social media), then they are just dumb.
Humans have successfully been having kids for thousands of years. Bassinets, changing tables, bath thermometers, baby monitors, wipe warmers, etc are not required.

...nor is toothpaste or soap!

sorry, wrong bored.

One of my goat best friends, roomies at KU and for most of our 20s, traveled the country together, blah blah blah, suddenly got hitched and started blasting out kids.

Haven’t talked to him in years.

Every now and then I’ll call him and leave a voicemail like hey man let’s catch up! Then like 3 days later I’ll get a text like, sorry can’t talk. Got kids now.

Facepalm.

That’s the most egregious of several examples.

But all I know is, while so many of my friends with kids maintain they’re so jealous of me and my “bohemian lifestyle” and getting to go fishing all the time and go get gushered on a Tuesday just cuz, I never once have felt jealous of them being awakened in the middle of the night by a shrieking mini-me who needs an ass wiping.

There are some pretty amazing times with kids. Trade offs for sure but wouldnt trade mine for all the free time in the world.

DrPepper wrote: ↑Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:36 am If a new baby is costing a lot of money, he is doing it wrong. All bets are off if health issues or a parent can’t stay home to take care of the baby.
If they are going to fall victim to the marketing and keeping up with the Jones (probably for the sake of social media), then they are just dumb.
Humans have successfully been having kids for thousands of years. Bassinets, changing tables, bath thermometers, baby monitors, wipe warmers, etc are not required.

"Humans have successfully been having kids for thousands of years. Bassinets, changing tables, bath thermometers, baby monitors, wipe warmers, etc are not required."

^^^

Human babies are remarkably resilient, despite their parents.