Kansas Crimson

jhawks99 wrote: ↑Fri Nov 01, 2019 8:29 am Never tried that. Not sure I will. Mayo is eggs and oil with some acid (lemon juice or vinegar), I use olive oil in and vinegar/lemon/lime juice in marinades already.

I have heard of substituting mayo for butter on grill sammiches, never tried that either.

Cascadia wrote: ↑Fri Nov 01, 2019 8:38 am Mayo is fucking disgusting

I hate mayonnaise. You don’t need to know the particulars of why I hate the taste of it. Why, just thinking about that taste right now triggers my gag reflex, which is neat. But suffice it to say, I’ve hated mayonnaise my entire life. And my repeated exposures to mayonnaise have not improved my opinion of the substance. It’s fucking disgusting, and it’s been an unwelcome interloper in my food—sandwiches, burgers, sushi, you name it—for over 40 years.

Will any of that stop mayonnaise lovers from trying to convince me that it’s good? Will it stop them from incepting it into my food without telling me, in some fruitless, psycho attempt to alter my stance? No and no. Even otherwise reasonable people are more than happy to indulge in mayonnaise bullying[.]

[...]

Mayonnaise is among the top-selling condiments in America. By some measures, it’s number one overall. Since we live in a consumerist dystopia, this dumb statistic is all that mayo-stans require as personal validation to proselytize their devil lotion to the rest of us. That is them owning you with real logic.

Well, here’s another stat for them, a fact that I know in my soul: No dining request gets ignored/forgotten more often than a request to hold the mayo. I know this because mayonnaise has ambushed me on dozens of occasions, in any number of flimsy disguises. Oftentimes, restaurants don’t even ask if you want it. Or worse: if you say you don’t, they don’t care. They just assume everyone adores it and then they slather it on like a fucking war crime.

That is why I hate mayo. This goes way past the taste of mayo and more to an epidemic of shitty manners. I hate mayonnaise itself, the way it festers all over my food like a blob of acrid pus. But what I hate even more is the strange national insistence upon mayonnaise being a vital condiment, even though countless people hate mayonnaise and science explains why it can cause the human brain to register disgust. No matter. When I tell certain people that I don’t like mayo, they react as if they just discovered an alien life form.

[...]

This is not me trying to convince pro-mayo people to hate it. I swear. This isn’t the standard web rant where I tell you that a thing you like is actually bad. If you like mayo, go with God. I won’t try to dissuade you from it. You’re actually lucky in that your epicurean existence is not littered with vile, soggy booby traps. All I ask is that you mayo bullies respect my distaste for that shit, and that you recognize the extent of that distaste. I could tell you that I don’t like mayo a million times, and I have. It always falls on deaf ears. Too many mayo people think that haters can—or worse, that they should—tolerate a little bit of mayo anyway.

They would be wrong. I cannot tolerate any fucking mayo. It’s a critical part of NOTHING. This isn’t England, man. Mayonnaise is not its own fucking food group here. If you scrape the mayo off my bread like a lazy asshole, I still know it’s there. I can still taste it contaminating my meal. I can feel it infecting my body, so I don’t appreciate it when people try to convince me that I’m wrong to dislike mayonnaise, as if life needs repulsive potato salad. Every time I politely refuse mayo, I am met with endless gaslight attempts. But it’s good! Motherfucker, if I liked it, I would know by now.

Cascadia wrote: ↑Fri Nov 01, 2019 8:38 am Mayo is fucking disgusting

pdub wrote: ↑Fri Nov 01, 2019 11:23 am Mayo on a burger, no thanks.

Mayo on a BLT, yes please.
Mayo in a tuna salad/chicken salad, yes please.
Pimento cheese, yes please.
Light amount of mayo in a lobster roll, potato salad or cole slaw, yes please.